It's Me, The Dog

Dear God: Is it on purpose that our
Names are spelled the same, only in reverse?














Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers,
But seldom, if ever, smell one another?












Dear God: When we get to Heaven, can we sit
On your couch? Or will it be the same old story?













Dear God: Why are there cars named after
The jaguar, the cougar, the mustang,
The colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE
Named for a Dog? How often do you
See a cougar riding around? We love a nice car
Ride! Would it be so hard to rename
The 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?










Dear God: If a Dog barks his head off
In the forest and no human hears him,
Is he still a bad Dog?
















Dear God: We Dogs can understand human
Verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles,
Horns, clickers, beepers, scent IDs,
Electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee
Flight paths. What do humans understand?


















Dear God: More meatballs,
Less spaghetti, please.















Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven?
If there are, will I have to apologize?













Dear God: Here is a list of
Just some of the things I must remember
To be a good Dog:
1. I will not eat the cat's food before he eats
It or after he throws it up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish,
Crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.
4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.
5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's
Underwear when he's on the toilet.
7. Sticking my nose into someone's
Crotch is an unacceptable way of saying 'hello'.
8. I don't need to suddenly stand
Straight up when I'm under the coffee table.
9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before
Entering the house - not after.
10. I will not come in from outside,
And immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
11. I will not sit in the middle of the living
Room, and lick my crotch.
12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy',
So when I play with him and he makes that noise,
it's usually not a good thing.
















P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven,
May I have my testicles back?