Computer Viruses

Computer Viruses

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lewinsky Virus:
Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then e-mails everyone about what it did.

Kenneth Starr Virus:
Competely examines every aspect of your computer, then compiles a
complex report that discredits every aspect of your computer.

Ronald Reagan Virus:
Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.

Mike Tyson Virus:
Quits after two bytes. Spits everything out.

Oprah Winfrey Virus:
Your 300 MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 100MB, then slowly expands to 200 MB.

Dr. Jack Kevorkian Virus:
Deletes all old files.

Ellen Degeneres Virus:
Disks can no longer be inserted.

Titanic Virus:
Your whole computer goes down.

Disney Virus:
Everything in your computer goes Goofy.

Prozac Virus:
Screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care.

Joey Buttafuoco Virus:
Only attacks minor files.

Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus:
Terminates zome viles, leaves, but it vill be baaack.

Lorena Bobbit Virus:
Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy, then discards it through Windows.

Viagra Virus:
Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy.

Clinton Virus:
Gives you a 7" hard drive with no memory.

Polish Virus:
You have just received the "Polish Virus." As the Polish have no
programming experience, this virus works on the honor system.
Please delete all the files on your hard drive and manually forward
this virus to everyone on your mailing list.
Thank you for your cooperation,
Polish Computer Engineering Dept.