It's Me, The Dog

Dear God: Is it on purpose that our
Names are spelled the same, only in reverse?














Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers,
But seldom, if ever, smell one another?












Dear God: When we get to Heaven, can we sit
On your couch? Or will it be the same old story?













Dear God: Why are there cars named after
The jaguar, the cougar, the mustang,
The colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE
Named for a Dog? How often do you
See a cougar riding around? We love a nice car
Ride! Would it be so hard to rename
The 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?










Dear God: If a Dog barks his head off
In the forest and no human hears him,
Is he still a bad Dog?
















Dear God: We Dogs can understand human
Verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles,
Horns, clickers, beepers, scent IDs,
Electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee
Flight paths. What do humans understand?


















Dear God: More meatballs,
Less spaghetti, please.















Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven?
If there are, will I have to apologize?













Dear God: Here is a list of
Just some of the things I must remember
To be a good Dog:
1. I will not eat the cat's food before he eats
It or after he throws it up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish,
Crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.
4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.
5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's
Underwear when he's on the toilet.
7. Sticking my nose into someone's
Crotch is an unacceptable way of saying 'hello'.
8. I don't need to suddenly stand
Straight up when I'm under the coffee table.
9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before
Entering the house - not after.
10. I will not come in from outside,
And immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
11. I will not sit in the middle of the living
Room, and lick my crotch.
12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy',
So when I play with him and he makes that noise,
it's usually not a good thing.
















P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven,
May I have my testicles back?

DO YOU EAT CADBURY'S CHOCOLATE?

DO YOU EAT CADBURY'S CHOCOLATE?

We were raised on CADBURY'S chocolate as kids and even into adulthood but I will never eat it again!!
I hope from now on you will throw yours away whenever you are given any.
It seems as though nothing is safe to eat anymore.
This is what happens when you eat Cadbury's chocolate!
THIS IS A MEDICAL WARNING!
It could happen to you, your family and friends!

CADBURY'S CHOCOLATE
can cause
SMALL FEET!

TO BUILD FAITH AND CONFIDENCE IN YOURSELF

TO BUILD FAITH AND CONFIDENCE IN YOURSELF
By SALIHAALAM

Take the time to spend in yourself, taking care of your body and your mind is one of the greatest responsibilities of a person and one should not be submitted later as it may be too late. It's like the leadership itself.

The words mean the same or similar meaning to the trust - the belief, faith, hope, confidence, expectations, trust and dependence. The opposite of trust is mistrust, which also means disbelief, doubt, distrust, anxiety, skepticism and doubt.

Trust is trust or faith that a person or thing is capable of. Self-confidence is having confidence in themselves. Confidence in the definition of a feeling that someone or something you can rely on. Trust is a big question of life of many people. Bring into being an emotional feeling that is attached to the person's core. Trust is faith, love, friendship, agreement, promise, opinions, thoughts, actions and your attitude towards life. Dishonesty can break a relationship of trust, destroying businesses, governments and countries to cut fuel hatred and ruin their lives.

When you live your life without self-esteem then you live your life in a constant state of negative thoughts and feelings. What you feel inside is clear by what you do and what you say. When you move your energy into yourself and find your place of love and value, then your view of this world will change for the better. This shift towards the positive energy will change everything you think, say and do. Be friendly and kind to yourself projects around the world by being nice and good for others. This projection is the result of the change of positive energy. Our true self is a feeling of love and worthy of all goodness and happiness that is to receive and give. It's yours if you really think.

Connect with your higher self through consideration. Use your source of energy through consideration. Consideration can be an association of trust that we can be ourselves. Then we can have more confidence in the world and others. When everything around is crumbling meditation can help you keep focused so that we can find that the deep bond of love and dignity. It's for your own desire to shine. We can not control anything else we can control what we do. When you decide to help yourself, then you decide to trust yourself. Confidence can lead us to live in peace and love and contentment. Life that we came here to live. The world has its own programs. However, pays little attention to the need of self-confidence. Confidence is more important to be approved by others. As important as the others rely on the development of our limitations is even more important that we can trust.

Here are practices you can exercise to build trust in yourself:

• Listen to yourself, You have a piece of omniscience about you that tells what is right or wrong. And 'variously called realization, the Light of Christ, or your not. Need to know what I'm saying to be able to function reliably, and the assurance that you are doing well. Think about those times when you say this is the time, this is the place, this is the right and you will be answered and got good results. Also remember the days when you say it is wrong and you need to escape, and you have not heard or not.

• Spend time alone:​​Consider making a habit of finding the time to be alone, even for short time on a daily basis. If you do it right, you get to hear as we speak. The inspiration comes to those who do not know to be become quiet for a while '. It 'clear that this is difficult in this era of multi-tasking. But if you take the mind back to the quantity of data that the flash in your mind when you're alone in the bathroom, you can imagine what you would get if they were alone or water.

• Recognize the doubts and uncertainties to yourself: One of the interesting stories of life, man that can never be too sure. In fact, he can not be sure of everything. Sometimes we work so hard to show people that we trust and can count on, that we live in rejection, that the fact that we fear or doubt our ability. Reset your doubts and uncertainties, and lead you to find ways to conquer them.

• Admit mistakes and vulnerabilities for you: When you make a mistake and admit it. You are not a good do not make believe to be one. This is the key to better quality of leadership of humility. This action will improve your sense of self-confidence more than anything you can visualize.

Our natural desire for success in life requires us to trust others and trust in come again. That is, we have faith and trust people we know and grip are reliable and that we can count up on them to fulfill the promise that they own or just did.
http://hubpages.com/hub/TO-BUILD-FAITH-AND-CONFIDENCE-IN-YOURSELF

Duh!! you're a lawyer

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from Finance and Administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynaecologist; all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was...God, I miss him!
...But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the lawyer, "but, why?"
"Duh; you're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

7 Bizarre Brain Disorders You've Probably Never Heard Of

7 Bizarre Brain Disorders You've Probably Never Heard Of












Capgras Delusion
The belief that an acquaintance, or even someone an individual knows very well, is actually an identical-looking imposter.















Prosopagnosia
Sometimes called "face-blindness," this condition renders individuals unable to recognize faces -- even those of the people they love or encounter on a regular basis.













Alice in Wonderland Syndrome
Patients with this condition report experiencing distorted body proportion: certain body parts -- often the head and hands -- are larger than they should be.














Apotemnophilia
The desire of an individual to amputate a perfectly-healthy limb.















Cotard's Syndrome
An individual's belief that he or she is dead despite those around them saying they are not. Some report also believing they do not exist at all.

















Riley-Day Syndrome
Patients with this condition are often unable to feel any pain, which can prove dangerous should they ever get injured.
















Dr. Strangelove Syndrome,this condition causes a patient's hand to take on a life of its own and act on its own accord.

Skeleton Jokes

Q: Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
A: No body
Q: What do skeletons say before they begin dining?
A: Bone appetit !
Q: When does a skeleton laugh?
A: When something tickles his funny bone.
Q: Why didn't the skeleton dance at the Halloween party?
A: It had no body to dance with.
Q: What type of art do skeletons like?
A: Skull tures
Q: What did the skeleton say when his brother told a lie?
A: You can't fool me, I can see right through you.
Q: What did the skeleton say while riding his Harley Davidson motorcycle?
A: I'm bone to be wild!
Q: Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party?
A: He had no body to dance with.
Q: What do you give a skeleton for valentine's day?
A: Bone-bones in a heart shaped box.
Q: Who was the most famous skeleton detective?
A: Sherlock Bones.
Q: Who was the most famous French skeleton?
A: Napoleon bone-apart
Q: What instrument do skeletons play?
A: Trom-BONE.
Q: What does a skeleton orders at a restaurant?
A: Spare ribs!!!
Q: When does a skeleton laugh?
A: When something tickles his funny bone.
Q: Why didn't the skeleton eat the cafeteria food?
A: Because he didn't have the stomach for it!
Q: Why couldn't the skeleton cross the road?
A: He didn't have the guts.
Q: Why are skeletons usually so calm ?
A: Nothing gets under their skin !
Q: Why do skeletons hate winter?
A: Beacuse the cold goes right through them !
Q: Why are graveyards so noisy ?
A: Beacause of all the coffin !
Q: Why didn't the skeleton go to the party ?
A: He had no body to go with !
Q: What happened when the skeletons rode pogo sticks ?
A: They had a rattling good time !
Q: Why did the skeleton go to hospital ?
A: To have his ghoul stones removed !
Q: How did the skeleton know it was going to rain ?
A: He could feel it in his bones !
Q: What's a skeleton's favourite musical instrument ?
A: A trom-bone !
Q: How do skeletons call their friends ?
A: On the telebone !
Q: What do you call a skeleton who won't get up in the mornings ?
A: Lazy bones !
Q: What do boney people use to get into their homes ?
A: Skeleton keys !
Q: What do you call a skeleton who acts in Westerns ?
A: Skint Eastwood !
Q: What happened to the boat that sank in the sea full of piranha fish ?
A: It came back with a skeleton crew !
Q: What do you call a skeleton snake ?
A: A rattler !
Q: What is a skeletons like to drink milk ?
A: Milk - it's so good for the bones !
Q: Why did the skeleton stay out in the snow all night ?
A: He was a numbskull !
Q: What do you call a stupid skeleton ?
A: Bonehead !
Q: What happened to the skeleton who stayed by the fire too long ?
A: He became bone dry !
Q: What happened to the lazy skeleton ?
A: He was bone idle !
Q: Why did the skeleton pupil stay late at school ?
A: He was boning up for his exams !
Q: What sort of soup do skeletons like ?
A: One with plenty of body in it !
Q: Why did the skeleton run up a tree ?
A: Because a dog was after his bones !
Q: What did the skeleton say to his girlfriend ?
A: I love every bone in your body !
Q: Why wasn't the naughty skeleton afraid of the police ?
A: Because he knew they couldn't pin anything on him !
Q: How do skeletons get their mail ?
A: By bony express !
Q: Why don't skeletons play music in church ?
A: They have no organs !
Q: What kind of plate does a skeleton eat off ?
A: Bone china !
Q: Why do skeletons hate winter ?
A: Because the wind just goes straight through them !
Q: What's a skeleton's favourite pop group ?
A: Boney M !
Q: What do you do if you see a skeleton running across a road ?
A: Jump out of your skin and join him !
Q: What did the old skeleton complain of ?
A: Aching bones !
Q: What is a skeleton ?
A: Somebody on a diet who forgot to say "when" !
Q: What happened to the skeleton that was attacked by a dog ?
A: He ran off with some bones and didn't leave him with a leg to stand on !
Q: Why are skeletons so calm ?
A: Because nothing gets under their skin !
Q: What do you call a skeleton that is always telling lies ?
A: A boney phoney !
Q: Why didn't the skeleton want to play football ?
A: Because his heart wasn't in it !
Q: What happened to the skeleton who went to a party ?
A: All the others used him as a coat rack !
Q: What do you call a skeleton who presses the door bell ?
A: A dead ringer !
Q: When does a skeleton laugh?
A: When something tickles his funny bone.
Q: How did skeletons send their letters in the old days?
A: By bony express!
Q: How do you make a skeleton laugh?
A: Tickle his funny bone!

I Don't Remember

I Don't Remember

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
An elderly gentleman was telling his friend about a new restaurant
he and his wife recently visited.

"The food and service were great!" he said.

His friend asked, "What's the name of the place?"

"Gee, I don't remember," he said, "What do you call the long
stemmed flower people give on special occasions?"

"You mean a rose?" asked his friend.

"That's it!" he exclaimed and turning to his wife, asked,
"Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to the other day?"

Making comparisons.

Making comparisons.

In Heaven:

The cooks are French,
The policemen are English,
The mechanics are German,
The lovers are Italian,
The bankers are Swiss.

In Hell:

The cooks are English,
The policemen are German,
The mechanics are French,
The lovers are Swiss,
The bankers are Italian.
In Computer Heaven:

The management is from Intel,
The design and construction is done by Apple,
The marketing is done by Microsoft,
IBM provides the support,
Gateway determines the pricing.

In Computer Hell:

The management is from Apple,
Microsoft does design and construction,
IBM handles the marketing,
The support is from Gateway,
Intel sets the price.

Computer Viruses

Computer Viruses

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lewinsky Virus:
Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then e-mails everyone about what it did.

Kenneth Starr Virus:
Competely examines every aspect of your computer, then compiles a
complex report that discredits every aspect of your computer.

Ronald Reagan Virus:
Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.

Mike Tyson Virus:
Quits after two bytes. Spits everything out.

Oprah Winfrey Virus:
Your 300 MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 100MB, then slowly expands to 200 MB.

Dr. Jack Kevorkian Virus:
Deletes all old files.

Ellen Degeneres Virus:
Disks can no longer be inserted.

Titanic Virus:
Your whole computer goes down.

Disney Virus:
Everything in your computer goes Goofy.

Prozac Virus:
Screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care.

Joey Buttafuoco Virus:
Only attacks minor files.

Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus:
Terminates zome viles, leaves, but it vill be baaack.

Lorena Bobbit Virus:
Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy, then discards it through Windows.

Viagra Virus:
Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy.

Clinton Virus:
Gives you a 7" hard drive with no memory.

Polish Virus:
You have just received the "Polish Virus." As the Polish have no
programming experience, this virus works on the honor system.
Please delete all the files on your hard drive and manually forward
this virus to everyone on your mailing list.
Thank you for your cooperation,
Polish Computer Engineering Dept.

A rose for you