Five Favourite Funny Safety Fire Jokes

Five Favourite Funny Safety Fire Jokes




1. How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start your barbecue?

2. A fireman had two sons. What did he name them?

Hosea and Hoseb

3. Bryan calls the fire department and says, 'Yes, I have just had my front yard landscaped, I have a nice new flower bed, a new fish pond with a fountain and a new rose garden.'



'Very nice too,' Martin, the fire-fighter says, 'but what does that have to do with the fire service?'



'Well, it's like this,' Bryan answers, 'the house next door is on fire and I don't want you to trample my front yard.'

4.When the employees of a restaurant attended a fire safety seminar, they watched a fire official demonstrate the proper way to operate an extinguisher.



'Pull the pin like a hand grenade,' he explained, 'then depress the trigger to release the foam.'



Later an employee was selected to extinguish a controlled fire in the parking lot. In her nervousness, she forgot to pull the pin. The instructor hinted, 'Like a hand grenade, remember?'



In a burst of confidence she pulled the pin, and hurled the extinguisher at the blaze.

5.Fire investigators on Maui, Hawaii, USA, have determined the cause of a blaze that destroyed a $127,000 home last month: a short circuit in the homeowner's newly installed fire prevention alarm system.



'This is even worse than last year,' said the distraught homeowner, 'when someone broke in and stole my new security system.'

Keeper

Keeper

I  grew up with practical parents. A mother, God love her, who washed
aluminum foil after she cooked in it, then reused it. She was the
original recycle queen, before they had a name for it... A father who
was happier getting old shoes fixed than buying new ones.

Their marriage was good, their dreams focused. Their best friends 
lived barely a wave away..

I can see them now, Dad in trousers, tee shirt and a hat and Mom in a
house dress, lawn mower in one hand, and dish-towel in the other. It
was the time for fixing things.. A curtain rod, the kitchen radio,
screen door, the oven door, the hem in a dress. Things we keep.

It was a way of life, and  sometimes it made me crazy.. All that
re-fixing, eating, renewing, I wanted just once to be wasteful. Waste
meant affluence. Throwing things away meant you knew there'd always be
more.

But then my mother died, and on that clear summer's night, in the
warmth of the hospital room, I was struck with the pain of learning
that sometimes there isn't any more.

Sometimes, what we care about most gets all used up and goes
away...never to return.. So... while we have it..... it's best we love
it.... and care for it... and fix it when it's broken......... and
heal it when it's sick.

This is true. for marriage....... and old cars...... and children with
bad report cards..... and dogs with bad hips.... and aging
parents...... and grandparents. We keep them because they are worth
it, because we are worth it.
Some things we keep. Like a  best friend that moved away or a
classmate we grew up with.

There are just some things that make life important, like people we
know who are special........ and so, we keep them close!

I received this from someone who thinks I am a 'keeper', so I've sent
it to the people I think of in the same way... Now it's your turn to
send this to those people that are "keepers" in your life.  Good
friends are like stars.... You don't always see them, but you know
they are always there.  Keep them close!

TEN THINGS GOD WON'T ASK ON THAT DAY.

1.... God won't ask what kind of car you drove. He'll ask how many
people you drove who didn't have transportation..

2.... God won't ask the square footage of your house, He'll ask how 
many people you welcomed into your home.

3.... God won't  ask about the clothes you had in your closet, He'll
ask how many you helped to clothe.

4.... God won't ask what your highest salary was. He'll ask if you 
compromised your character to obtain it.

5.... God won't ask what your job title was. He'll ask if you
performed your job to the best of your ability.

6.... God won't ask how many friends you had. He'll ask how many
people to whom you were a friend.

7.... God won't ask in what neighborhood you lived, He'll ask how you
treated your neighbors.

8.... God won't ask about the color of your skin, He'll ask about the 
content of your character.

9.... God won't ask why it took you so long to seek Salvation. He'll
lovingly take you to your mansion in heaven, and not to the gates of
Hell.

10.... God won't have to ask how many people you forwarded this to, He already knows your decision.

hug a tree

A Mother's Tears

A Mother's Tears




A mother's tears flow at the birth of her child.

A mother's tears flow at the death of her child.

A mother's tears are a cloak of protection saturating her offspring, from the crown of their head continuously to the soles of their feet.

A mother's tears reach the highest mountain and go down in the lowest valley.

A mother's tears tell her offspring while they're on the mountain top, "I knew you could it."

A mother's tears flow down to the lowest valley; enabling her offspring to swim out of destruction to safety.

A mother's tears are like a music composition, each note and tear is waiting to hear and feel the crescendo.



Flirting With The Enemy



Flirting with the enemy will bring

destruction and shame --



Flirting with the enemy have only

earthly gain --



Flirting with the enemy covers

you in utter darkness --



Flirting with the enemy

keeps your heart (spirit) stained --



Flirting with the enemy will bring

a reproach to God's name.

Sarah A. Bell