Derwinism: Not Representing Your Woman to the Fullest

Derwinism: Not Representing Your Woman to the Fullest
"Why is she going to a medical seminar"? "She's not even a real doctor". "Well, she is a real doctor, she's just not practicing". "Are you defending her in my house"? "No, I'm not defending her, I'm just clarifying". "Ok, she likes to pretend, pass the scalpel". (Insert laughter) This was the conversation between characters Janay and Derwin on the BET's hit tv show, The Game. For those of you not familiar with the television series, The Game is a "dramedy" that is centered around a professional football team. The "dramedy" focuses on the players on the team and the women in their lives. The main characters of the show, Melanie and Derwin were just recently married after a tumultous relationship including Derwin getting another woman pregnant while the two were separated briefly. The conversation above took place between Derwin and his "baby mama", Janay. For obvious reasons, Derwin's wife Melanie and Janay do not get along, hence Janay's snide remark about Melanie not being a "real doctor". Instead of Derwin taking up for his wife, what does he do? He makes fun of her or as I like to say "played her to the left" just to appease his "baby mama". He does not defend his wife but instead displays a classic case of what I like to call "Derwinism: Not Representing Your Woman To The Fullest.



As I'm watching this scene unfold, I immediately get mad as if this show is "real life". After I tell myself to calm down because it's only a t.v. show, that's when I realized that the reason I got mad is because that has happened to me! If I had a nickel for every time a boyfriend played me to the left for some insignificant chick then I would be a millionaire. It really pisses me off when men don't have the cojones to put a woman in check that is disrespecting your woman. I look at it as though you're not representing your woman at all times. There are three "situations" in which some men will not "represent" their woman in the presence of other females especially when that "other" female does not like their girlfriend/wife.



1). Making fun of your girlfriend to make yourself look better...
This situation is exactly what Derwin did in The Game episode. He let Janay intimidate him with the question of "Are you defending her in my house"? Instead of taking up for his wife and clearly stating that she is a doctor, what does he do? He takes the bitch ass way out and "plays" his wife to the left, just to appease his "baby mama". He does it so he can make Janay secure and so that he can feel better about himself knowing that he is not trying to make Janay uncomfortable by "defending" Melanie. If you're a man who cannot EVEN defend your wife/girlfriend then what are you doing in a relationship? Derwin should have been a MAN and stood up to Janay and put her in her place by letting her know that Melanie is his WIFE and that he won't tolerate any snide remarks about her. I guarantee you if he had put Janay in her place then she would have retreated like a bad puppy who just got bopped on the nose for peeing on the floor.

2). When men let other women talk shit about his girlfriend/wife in his presence
This situation right here has happened to me more times than I can count but I will start with the first time I ever encountered it. I was dating this guy when I was a freshman in high school and we were surely an "odd" couple. The type of couple that no one would have EVER guessed that would've started dating. We had been going out for about a month and I realized that one of his "girl" friends did not like me and would constantly talk shit about me to him. Of course when I confronted him, I asked him why he did let her talk shit about me in his presence and do you know that this fool had the NERVE to say "I don't know"! I was only fifteen then but I had enough sense to know that that wasn't right. I was absolutely floored that he wouldn't stand up for me! What some men don't understand is, that who you are in a relationship with is a reflection of yourself. So therefore in theory, if this heifer was talking shit about me, then in essence she was talking about him! He definitely was not representing me or having my back when it came to her. Needless to say, a month, later, we were done.

3). Being too nice to an ex when you're in a new relationship
I have also dealt with this situaton more times than I can count as well. You know how it goes, ladies. You get into a new relationship with a man and everything is going well and then BOOM! His ex or the girl that he used to date before you, pops up out of nowhere and tries to get in where she DON'T fit in. The relationship is fairly new so at this point, he wants to be open and honest and tells you that she contacted him. Now this is the part where I struggle, I want to tell him what to do and how to handle the situation but at the same time, I feel like I'm at the age now where I shouldn't have to tell him how to handle the situation, he should just know! Well, here's the problem ladies, more than likely, he's not going to handle it how you think he SHOULD handle it. Most men say that they will ignore her and eventually she'll get the hint and stop contacting him. Well, some women will, and some won't. In the event, that she doesn't get the hint, the man then needs to tell her that he is in a relationship and that she doesn't need to contact him anymore. However, most men are not going to say "Look, bitch, stop calling and texting me". Most men are going to try and be nice and say "I'm sorry but I've met someone else, I don't mean to hurt you, it just happened".

So ladies, you're puzzled at his response because everyone knows that when you're nice to THAT type of woman that she thinks you're leaving the door cracked open so she can sneak her big toe in. She's the type of woman who calls a man and asks him why he stopped talking to her? "Where they do that at"? Clearly not from where I'm from! So you ask him, why were you so nice to her? And he responds "Well, I didn't want to be mean and hurt her feelings"! You have got to be freaking kidding me! So let me get this straight, you didn't want to hurt her feelings now that you had to tell her that you were in a new relationship but before when you two were dating, you told her that you didn't want to be in a relationship and you just stopped talking to her cold turkey?! GTFOH...Where was all this concern at before? Bottom line is, is that these men feel guilty about their actions toward their ex's and they feel as though they need to coddle them. But forget them! Their feelings don't matter, the only person who's feelings matter, are yours! Because at the end of the day, who's "really" going to have his back? You are! Umm...it's great that these men have a conscience but in the words of rapper Positive K "What that got to do with me"?

What men do not understand is that the new "woman" wants to feel REPRESENTED and by them being nice to an ex and feeling like they have to explain what is going on, the "new woman" wonders if there is a reason why he is being so nice to her? Fellas, let me tell you, when a woman gets in a new relationship, she has "NO PROBLEM" telling her ex's that she has found someone else and to please stop contacting her. She may not be rude about it but she will damn sure be direct because we as women "LOVE" and "WANT" to represent our men. However, men only tiptoe around a woman's feelings when it is convenient for them. Instead of being nice, here is how the conversation should go...

Ex Chick: Why haven't you been returning my calls? Why have you stopped talking to me?
Dude: First off, I'm in a new relationship and I would appreciate it if you would stop calling and texting especially at this late hour when I am trying to chill with my lady
Ex Chick: Well, what makes her so special? You told me that you didn't want to be a relationship?
Dude: Let me stop you right there...I'm in a new relationship and I wish you well. I don't have any hard feelings or ill will towards you. Have a good night.

And that's how you HARD-BODY that type of situation. It was straight to the point and the man represented his new "woman" to the fullest. There were no type of apologies or explanations. All women want to know is that if they can be "HARD-BODY" and dismantle a relationship with an ex, then that their "new man" can too without hesitation, without feeling bad and without feeling like they have to explain. Women want a man that feels proud to have her on their arm. The type of man that will brag about his woman and "represent" her at ALL TIMES whether she is around or not. So fellas, a little piece of advice: Never make fun of your woman to make yourself look "cool" because in the end you just look like a "lame" and a "douchebag". Never let another "bobblehead" disrespect your woman in your presence because she is a representation of you. Last but not least, never be too concerned with an ex's feelings because your woman's feelings are the only ones that matter and it is not worth pissing her off just so you can be nice to "an insignificant chick, who couldn't even hold your attention long enough to become your woman".

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