Devil Joke
Three guys die and go to hell. When they arrive the devil informs them that he is going to remove their penises.
"Oh, how are you going to do it", asks one of the guys.
"Whatever your fathers jobs were, that's how I'll remove them" says the devil.
So he calls over the first guy "Your father was a lumberjack... So I'll cut it off with a saw"
To the second guy he says "Your father was a blacksmith... So I'm going to burn it off"
As he calls the third guy over he notices he's smiling.
"Why are you smiling, you just watched me remove your friends penises" says the devil.
"I know" replies the man "but my father was a popsicle maker"
Friday, January 29, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Cranky Old Man
Cranky Old Man
What do you see nurses? ..... What do you see?
What are you thinking ..... when you're looking at me?
A cranky old man ..... not very wise,
Uncertain of habit ..... with faraway eyes?
Who dribbles his food ..... and makes no reply.
When you say in a loud voice ..... 'I do wish you'd try!'
Who seems not to notice ..... the things that you do.
And forever is losing ..... A sock or shoe?
Who, resisting or not ..... lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding ..... The long day to fill?
IIs that what you're thinking? ..... Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse ..... you're not looking at me.
I'll tell you who I am ..... As I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding ..... as I eat at your will.
I'm a small child of Ten ..... with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters ..... who love one another
A young boy of Sixteen ..... with wings on his feet
Dreaming that soon now ..... a lover he'll meet.
A groom soon at Twenty ..... my heart gives a leap.
Remembering, the vows ..... that I promised to keep.
At Twenty-Five, now ..... I have young of my own.
Who need me to guide ..... And a secure happy home.
A man of Thirty ..... My young now grown fast,
Bound to each other ..... With ties that should last.
At Forty, my young sons ..... have grown and are gone,
But my woman is beside me ..... to see I don't mourn.
At Fifty, once more ..... Babies play 'round my knee,
Again, we know children ..... My loved one and me.
Dark days are upon me ..... My wife is now dead.
I look at the future ..... I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing ..... young of their own.
And I think of the years ..... And the love that I've known.
I'm now an old man ..... and nature is cruel.
It's jest to make old age ..... look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles ..... grace and vigour, depart.
There is now a stone ..... where I once had a heart.
But inside this old carcass ..... A young man still dwells,
And now and again ..... my battered heart swells
I remember the joys ..... I remember the pain.
And I'm loving and living ..... life over again.
I think of the years, all too few ..... gone too fast.
And accept the stark fact ..... that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, people ..... open and see.
Not a cranky old man.
Look closer ..... see ..... ME!!!
What do you see nurses? ..... What do you see?
What are you thinking ..... when you're looking at me?
A cranky old man ..... not very wise,
Uncertain of habit ..... with faraway eyes?
Who dribbles his food ..... and makes no reply.
When you say in a loud voice ..... 'I do wish you'd try!'
Who seems not to notice ..... the things that you do.
And forever is losing ..... A sock or shoe?
Who, resisting or not ..... lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding ..... The long day to fill?
IIs that what you're thinking? ..... Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse ..... you're not looking at me.
I'll tell you who I am ..... As I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding ..... as I eat at your will.
I'm a small child of Ten ..... with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters ..... who love one another
A young boy of Sixteen ..... with wings on his feet
Dreaming that soon now ..... a lover he'll meet.
A groom soon at Twenty ..... my heart gives a leap.
Remembering, the vows ..... that I promised to keep.
At Twenty-Five, now ..... I have young of my own.
Who need me to guide ..... And a secure happy home.
A man of Thirty ..... My young now grown fast,
Bound to each other ..... With ties that should last.
At Forty, my young sons ..... have grown and are gone,
But my woman is beside me ..... to see I don't mourn.
At Fifty, once more ..... Babies play 'round my knee,
Again, we know children ..... My loved one and me.
Dark days are upon me ..... My wife is now dead.
I look at the future ..... I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing ..... young of their own.
And I think of the years ..... And the love that I've known.
I'm now an old man ..... and nature is cruel.
It's jest to make old age ..... look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles ..... grace and vigour, depart.
There is now a stone ..... where I once had a heart.
But inside this old carcass ..... A young man still dwells,
And now and again ..... my battered heart swells
I remember the joys ..... I remember the pain.
And I'm loving and living ..... life over again.
I think of the years, all too few ..... gone too fast.
And accept the stark fact ..... that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, people ..... open and see.
Not a cranky old man.
Look closer ..... see ..... ME!!!
Friday, January 15, 2010
For The Love Of Mrs. Brown ...
For The Love Of Mrs. Brown ...
http://video.aol.co.uk/video-detail/for-the-love-of-mrs-brown-sample/3238477394
http://video.aol.co.uk/video-detail/for-the-love-of-mrs-brown-sample/3238477394
Sunday, January 10, 2010
To my friends who are...still HOLDING ON
To My Friends Who Are............STILL HOLDING ON
給我那還在等待的朋友們A sad thing about life is when you meet someone and fall in love, only to
人生最傷心的事，是你和他/她愛情長跑了多年，最後的結局卻不如所望。
find out in the end that it was never meant to be and that you have wasted years on someone who wasn't worth it. If he isn't worth it now he's not
'如果他/她現在讓你覺得不值的付出，那麼一年，甚至十年後，都不會值的付出的。
going to be worth it a year or 10 years from now. Let go.....
讓他/她走吧
人生最傷心的事，是你和他/她愛情長跑了多年，最後的結局卻不如所望。
find out in the end that it was never meant to be and that you have wasted years on someone who wasn't worth it. If he isn't worth it now he's not
'如果他/她現在讓你覺得不值的付出，那麼一年，甚至十年後，都不會值的付出的。
going to be worth it a year or 10 years from now. Let go.....
讓他/她走吧
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Pyscho test
Pyscho test
Read this question, come up with an answer and then scroll down tothe bottom for the result. This is not a trick question.
It is as it reads.
No one I know has got it right---including me. A woman, while at the funeral of her own mother, met a man she didn'tknow. She thought this guy was amazing, so much her dream guy, that she believed him to be just that! She fell in love with him right there, but never asked for his number and couldn't find! him. A few days later she killed her sister.
Question: What is her motive in killing her sister?
(Give this some thought before you answer).
SCROLL DOWN.
Answer: She was hoping that the guy would appear at the funeral again.
If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath.
This was a test by a famous American Psychologist used to test if one has thesame mentality as a killer .
Many arrested serial killers took part in the test and answered the question correctly. If you didn't answer the question correctly good for you.
If you got the answer correct, please let me know so I can take you off of my email list unless that will tick you off, then I'll just be extra nice to you from now on.
Read this question, come up with an answer and then scroll down tothe bottom for the result. This is not a trick question.
It is as it reads.
No one I know has got it right---including me. A woman, while at the funeral of her own mother, met a man she didn'tknow. She thought this guy was amazing, so much her dream guy, that she believed him to be just that! She fell in love with him right there, but never asked for his number and couldn't find! him. A few days later she killed her sister.
Question: What is her motive in killing her sister?
(Give this some thought before you answer).
SCROLL DOWN.
Answer: She was hoping that the guy would appear at the funeral again.
If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath.
This was a test by a famous American Psychologist used to test if one has thesame mentality as a killer .
Many arrested serial killers took part in the test and answered the question correctly. If you didn't answer the question correctly good for you.
If you got the answer correct, please let me know so I can take you off of my email list unless that will tick you off, then I'll just be extra nice to you from now on.
Life is full of tough decisions
Insight into Decision Making - A group of children were playing near two railway tracks, one still in use while the other disused. Only one child played on the disused track, the rest on the operational track.
The train is coming, and you are just beside the track interchange. You can make the train change its course to the disused track and save most of the kids. However, that would also mean the lone child playing by the disused track would be sacrificed. Or would you rather let the train go its way?
Let's take a pause to think what kind of decision we could make...... ...........
Most people might choose to divert the course of the train, and sacrifice only one child. You might think the same way, I guess. Exactly, to save most of the children at the expense of only one child was rational decision most people would make, morally and emotionally. But, have you ever thought that the child choosing to play on the disused track had in fact made the right decision to play at a safe place?
Nevertheless, he had to be sacrificed because of his ignorant friends who chose to play where the danger was.. This kind of dilemma happens around us everyday. In the office, community, in politics and especially in a democratic society, the minority is often sacrificed for the interest of the majority, no matter how foolish or ignorant the majority are, and how farsighted and knowledgeable the minority are. The child who chose not to play with the rest on the operational track was sidelined. And in the case he was sacrificed, no one would shed a tear for him.
The great critic Leo Velski Julian who told the story said he would not try to change the course of the train because he believed that the kids playing on the operational track should have known very well that track was still in use, and that they should have run away if they heard the train's sirens.. If the train was diverted, that lone child would definitely die because he never thought the train could come over to that track! Moreover, that track was not in use probably because it was not safe. If the train was diverted to the track, we could put the lives of all passengers on board at stake! And in your attempt to save a few kids by sacrificing one child, you might end up sacrificing hundreds of people to save these few kids.
While we are all aware that life is full of tough decisions that need to be made, we may not realize that hasty decisions may not always be the right one.
'Remember that what's right isn't always popular... and what's popular isn't always right.'
The train is coming, and you are just beside the track interchange. You can make the train change its course to the disused track and save most of the kids. However, that would also mean the lone child playing by the disused track would be sacrificed. Or would you rather let the train go its way?
Let's take a pause to think what kind of decision we could make...... ...........
Most people might choose to divert the course of the train, and sacrifice only one child. You might think the same way, I guess. Exactly, to save most of the children at the expense of only one child was rational decision most people would make, morally and emotionally. But, have you ever thought that the child choosing to play on the disused track had in fact made the right decision to play at a safe place?
Nevertheless, he had to be sacrificed because of his ignorant friends who chose to play where the danger was.. This kind of dilemma happens around us everyday. In the office, community, in politics and especially in a democratic society, the minority is often sacrificed for the interest of the majority, no matter how foolish or ignorant the majority are, and how farsighted and knowledgeable the minority are. The child who chose not to play with the rest on the operational track was sidelined. And in the case he was sacrificed, no one would shed a tear for him.
The great critic Leo Velski Julian who told the story said he would not try to change the course of the train because he believed that the kids playing on the operational track should have known very well that track was still in use, and that they should have run away if they heard the train's sirens.. If the train was diverted, that lone child would definitely die because he never thought the train could come over to that track! Moreover, that track was not in use probably because it was not safe. If the train was diverted to the track, we could put the lives of all passengers on board at stake! And in your attempt to save a few kids by sacrificing one child, you might end up sacrificing hundreds of people to save these few kids.
While we are all aware that life is full of tough decisions that need to be made, we may not realize that hasty decisions may not always be the right one.
'Remember that what's right isn't always popular... and what's popular isn't always right.'
Chinese people love to eat
Chinese people love to eat and China boasts one of the world's greatest cuisines. During the long period of development of the eating culture, there formed many things about the eating that foreign visitors may find quite different from what they are used to and even feel weird.
Chopsticks
Chopsticks were developed about 5,000 years ago in China. It is likely that people cooked their food in large pots which retained heat well, and hasty eaters then broke twigs off trees to retrieve the food. By 400 BCE, a large population and dwindling resources forced people to conserve fuel.
Chinese eating utensils normally are chopsticks, spoons, bowls. Forks are not used on the table and never can you see knives. It is thought that Confucius, a vegetarian, advised people not to use knives at the table because knives would remind them of the slaughterhouse. It is also thought it is because the Chinese take their meals very seriously, and feel that the meal table should be a place of peace and harmony. The knife could be used as a weapon, and could disrupt the harmony of the table. Because of this, the knife, and anything else that could disrupt the harmony, is banned from the table.
Chopsticks are two long, thin, usually tapered, pieces of wood. Bamboo has been the most popular material of chopsticks because it is inexpensive, readily available, easy to split, resistant to heat, and has no perceptible odor or taste. Cedar, sandalwood, teak, pine, and bone have also been used. The wealthy, however, often had chopsticks made from jade, gold, bronze, brass, agate, coral, ivory, and silver. In fact, during dynastic times it was thought that silver chopsticks would turn black if they came into contact with poisoned food. It is now known that silver has no reaction to arsenic or cyanide, but if rotten eggs, onion, or garlic are used, the hydrogen sulfide they release might cause these chopsticks to change color.
Chopsticks are called "Kuaizi" in Chinese which resembles the pronunciation of other two words, soon and son. Therefore, it is a tradition in some areas to give chopsticks as a gift to newly-married couples, wishing them to have a baby soon.
When using chopsticks to eat, people need pay attention to some rules or common conventions.
Do not stick chopsticks into your food, especially not into rice. Only at funerals are chopsticks stuck into the rice that is put onto the altar.
Do not move your chopsticks around in the air too much, nor play with them.
To separate a piece of food into two pieces, exert controlled pressure on the chopsticks while moving them apart from each other. This needs much exercise.
Most of the restaurants in China now have forks available. If you are not used to chopsticks, you can ask servants of the restaurant to provide you with forks or spoons.
Chopsticks
Chopsticks were developed about 5,000 years ago in China. It is likely that people cooked their food in large pots which retained heat well, and hasty eaters then broke twigs off trees to retrieve the food. By 400 BCE, a large population and dwindling resources forced people to conserve fuel.
Chinese eating utensils normally are chopsticks, spoons, bowls. Forks are not used on the table and never can you see knives. It is thought that Confucius, a vegetarian, advised people not to use knives at the table because knives would remind them of the slaughterhouse. It is also thought it is because the Chinese take their meals very seriously, and feel that the meal table should be a place of peace and harmony. The knife could be used as a weapon, and could disrupt the harmony of the table. Because of this, the knife, and anything else that could disrupt the harmony, is banned from the table.
Chopsticks are two long, thin, usually tapered, pieces of wood. Bamboo has been the most popular material of chopsticks because it is inexpensive, readily available, easy to split, resistant to heat, and has no perceptible odor or taste. Cedar, sandalwood, teak, pine, and bone have also been used. The wealthy, however, often had chopsticks made from jade, gold, bronze, brass, agate, coral, ivory, and silver. In fact, during dynastic times it was thought that silver chopsticks would turn black if they came into contact with poisoned food. It is now known that silver has no reaction to arsenic or cyanide, but if rotten eggs, onion, or garlic are used, the hydrogen sulfide they release might cause these chopsticks to change color.
Chopsticks are called "Kuaizi" in Chinese which resembles the pronunciation of other two words, soon and son. Therefore, it is a tradition in some areas to give chopsticks as a gift to newly-married couples, wishing them to have a baby soon.
When using chopsticks to eat, people need pay attention to some rules or common conventions.
Do not stick chopsticks into your food, especially not into rice. Only at funerals are chopsticks stuck into the rice that is put onto the altar.
Do not move your chopsticks around in the air too much, nor play with them.
To separate a piece of food into two pieces, exert controlled pressure on the chopsticks while moving them apart from each other. This needs much exercise.
Most of the restaurants in China now have forks available. If you are not used to chopsticks, you can ask servants of the restaurant to provide you with forks or spoons.
Kitten afraid of remote control mouse
Kitten afraid of remote control mouse
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TWwBdY1Yglg&feature=player_embedded
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TWwBdY1Yglg&feature=player_embedded
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