Why did the chicken cross the road?

Why did the chicken cross the road?

BARACK OBAMA:
The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

JOHN MCCAIN:
My friends, that chicken crossed the road because it recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON:
When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.......

GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing the road together, in peace.

BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C% .......... reboot.

BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE:
Chicken shall not shit while crossing the road. This is for a green environment.

LEE KUAN YEW:
We have installed crossing lights at all traffic junctions. All chickens should follow instructions while crossing the road.

SAMY VELLU:
Gantry points have been set up. All chickens wanting to cross the road are advised to top up their cash cards first.

NAJIB RAZAK:
What chickens? I don't know any chickens... especially those from Mongolia.


ABDULLAH BADAWI:
We have to be fair to all chickens. Some want to cross over the road, some do not. ........ Zzzzzz .......zzzzzz ....... Now what were we talking about? Ah yes, chickens. We will form a Royal Commission to decide whether it is right for them to cross the road.

MAHATHIR:
Now even non-bumi chickens want to cross the road! How can they disrespect and disregard apa nama bumi chickens? We must be allowed to cross over first. It is our special privilege and no one can challenge that!

ANWAR:
We have enough chickens waiting to cross over in September.

SHAHRIR:
All foreign chickens are welcome in Malaysia but they must not cross over the road within 50km of the border.

Carrot,Egg or Coffee?

A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee...

You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again.

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up, She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, ' Tell me what you see.' 'Carrots, eggs, and coffee,' she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, 'What does it mean, mother?'

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting.

However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.

The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.

The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water...'Which are you?' she asked her daughter.

'When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat?

Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor.

If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.

When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate yourself to another level?

How do you handle adversity?

Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches. When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.

Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

May we all be COFFEE!!!

Forgetting the SUN...

who design this?

mind your ENGLISH

My ass!

My Ass !!

Saturday, 06 December 2008 11:26

Once upon a time, there was an old miner who was traveling through the desert with his trusty mule of many years.
All of a sudden, the mule fell over dead. The old man buried his old friend and put up a cross as a grave marker.

He wrote on the cross, "My Ass". Then he continued on his journey. Years later a town grew nearby the grave.

The road into town went right by the marker, so the town adopted the name out of respect for the dead mule.

It had become somewhat of an historical site. Then one day, a traveling salesman, who was lost, wondered into the old desert town, but did not notice the marker. He saw a man on the street and stopped to get directions.

The salesman asked, "Could you please tell me where I am?" "Sure" replied the old man. "You are right on the edge of my ass." The salesman was puzzled by what the man said, so he decided to ask someone else.

He thanked the man and continued to what appeared to be the downtown area. He saw another man walking down the street.

He asked, "Please sir, could you please tell me where I am, I seem to be lost."The old man promptly replied, "No problem young fella. You are right smack dab in the middle of my ass!"

At this point the salesman decided that everyone in the little town was crazy and decided to leave.

On the way out of town he spotted a seafood restaurant. He had become quite hungry, so he decided to get something to eat before traveling on to the next town.

The waitress walked over and asked, "What will you have stranger?"

The man replied, "I think I will have the crab platter.

"The waitress replied, "I am sorry sir, we are all out of crabs. "My husband looked all over my ass last night."

Have a Beautiful Day

love,hugs,friendship

Pray for me

Please pray for me.

Boom Boom Pow Lyrics

Boom Boom Pow Lyrics
by Black Eyes Peas


Gotta get-get, gotta get-get
Gotta get-get, gotta g-g-g-get-get-get, get-get

Boom boom boom, gotta get-get
Boom boom boom, gotta get-get
Boom boom boom, gotta get-get
Boom boom boom, gotta get-get

Boom boom boom, now
Boom boom boom, now
Boom boom pow
Boom boom

Yo, I got that hit that beat the block
You can get that bass overload
I got the that rock and roll
That future flow

That digital spit
Next level visual shit
I got that boom boom pow
How the beat bang, boom boom pow

I like that boom boom pow
Them chickens jackin’ my
try copy my swagger
I’m on that next shit now

I’m so 3008
You so 2000 and lateI got that boom, boom, boom
That future boom, boom, boom
Let me get it now

Boom boom boom, gotta get-get
Boom boom boom, gotta get-get
Boom boom boom, gotta get-get
Boom boom boom, gotta get-get

Boom boom boom, now
Boom boom boom, now
Boom boom pow
Boom boom pow

I’m on the supersonic boom
Y’all hear the spaceship zoom
When, when I step inside the room
Them girls go ape-shit, uh

Y’all stuck on Super 8 shit
That low-fi stupid 8 bit
I’m on that HD flat
This beat go boom boom bap

I’m a beast when you turn me on
Into the future cybertron
Harder, faster, better, stronger
Sexy ladies extra longer

'Cause we got the beat that bounce
We got the beat that pound
e got the beat that 808
hat the boom, boom in your town

People in the place
If you wanna get down
Put your hands in the air
Will.i.am drop the beat now

Yup, yup
I be rockin’ them beats, yup, yup
I be rockin’ them beats, y-y-yup, yup

Here we go, here we go, satellite radio
Y’all gettin’ hit with boom boom
Beats so big I’m steppin’ on leprechauns
Shittin’ on y’all with the boom boom

Shittin’ on y’all you with the boom boom
Shittin’ on y’all you with the

This beat be bumpin’, bumpin’
This beat go boom, boom

Let the beat rock
Let the beat rock
Let the beat rock

This beat be bumpin’, bumpin’
This beat go boom, boom

I like that boom boom pow
Them chickens jackin’ my style
They try copy my swagger
I’m on that next shit now

I’m so 3008
ou so 2000 and late
I got that boom boom boom
That future boom boom boom
Let me get it now

Boom boom boom, gotta get-get
Boom boom boom, gotta get-
boom boom, gotta get-get
Boom boom boom, gotta get-get

Boom boom boom, now
Boom boom boom, now
Boom boom pow
Boom boom pow

Let the beat rock
(Let the beat rock)
Let the beat rock
(Let the beat)
Let the beat
(Let the beat rock, rock, rock, rock)

Signs that make you SMILE

The Main Cause of Car Accidents

Before Four-Letter Words

Before Four-Letter Words

"He had delusions of adequacy."
- Walter Kerr

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
- Winston Churchill


"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
- Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
- Moses Hadas

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
- Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.."
- Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one."
- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."
- Winston Churchill, in response..

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
- Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
- John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
- Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others."
- Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
- Paul Keating

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
- Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.."
- Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
- Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
- Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
- Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination."
- Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
- Groucho Marx

'There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure.'
- Jack E. Leonard

'He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.'
- Robert Redford

'They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge.'
- Thomas Brackett Reed

'He has Van Gogh's ear for music.'
- Billy Wilder

'He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.'
- Abraham Lincoln

'Poor Faulkner.. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?'
- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

'A modest little person, with much to be modest about. '
- Winston Churchill

The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison."
He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

Exercise is good for health

10 Ways to Spice up Your Sex Life!

10 Ways to Spice up Your Sex Life!
Does your sex life leave a lot to be (yawn) desired? Is it just OK or are you lucky enough to say that it’s explosive and you need no help whatsoever?

Your sex life is one of the most important things to keep ignited in order to fuel the intimacy between you and your significant other. After the honeymoon is over, life gets in the way and it is sometimes easier to push this part of life to the side. Either way, we’ve put together a list of enticing ways to put the words hot, sizzling and steamy into the description of your love life.

Get ready to put your embarrassment or shyness aside ladies, and just dive right in (literally).

Lamb in the morning, tiger at night. Start the kissing, touching and caressing in the morning enough to get to the point where the horizontal mambo is definitely something wanted immediately. Knowing that you have to get up, go to work or get the kids ready, off you both go yearning for this moment all day long. At night, when the time is right, pounce!

Love notes. Yes, these still work. Get out your pen and paper (if you still have them in this high-tech digital world), write something steamy and put it in your loved one’s coat pocket, lunch bag or briefcase. Something uber-sexy can sure set the tone for his day, and of course make it go by at a snail’s pace. Attach a sexy picture to it too (it doesn’t have to show, but it should tell). He’ll be riled up all day, and by the time he gets home, he’ll be ready to explode.

Texting and E-mailing. Unlike the love note, here’s where some playful interaction comes in. Feel free to include pictures or even videos with the sexy lingo. Don’t forget to make sure that you have the right phone number or e-mail address before you hit send (you don’t want Grandma getting a picture of you licking your finger provocatively).

Toys. Introducing a third party takes some pressure off, has the potential of introducing some new stimulating feelings yet also excites your partner by seeing you get all hot and bothered – leading to even more of a thrilling experience.

Don’t sweat the small stuff. The phone is ringing, laundry needs to be folded, the kitchen needs to be mopped and you have even more items on your to-do list that you want to get done. But if the opportune moment presents itself, jump on it. Not to say that you should neglect your kids that need to be fed or your dog that needs to be taken for a walk. But adding spontaneity to your sex life solidifies a healthy bond.

Tricks aren’t just for kids. Instead of doing the same old moves, consider introducing some new ones. Do some research to see what might appeal to both of you and experiment. Kama Sutra anyone? Why not? You only live once! If one way doesn’t work for the both of you, try another. You may end up discovering (and creating) a new way of having fun.

Date nights. Don’t forget. You’re still dating, and hopefully, always will be. Do something you both enjoy by having a romantic evening or day together which will get those natural endorphins flowing – this creates the perfect set up for a steamy night of passion.

Kiss. You don’t have to stick your tongues down each others’ throats, but by kissing for at least 10 seconds at least once a day, you are showing each other that you’re still in love. Kissing can help you relax, express love, boost your immune system, improve self-esteem, manage stress and stimulate your brain. Kiss - don’t peck.

Re-discover each other. Go back to the feelings of when you first met. Remember those fireworks? What used to get you all fired up? Hone in on those feelings that are still there, just hidden.

Take him (and you) by surprise. Flash him or conveniently forget to wear panties underneath your skirt and tell him when you’re out in public. These small things can lead to a whole lot of excitement later on.

What is SEX?

A kid goes up to his father and asks, "Dad what is sex?"

His dad was afraid of this day for a while so he told his son to ask his grandmother.

He goes to his grandmother, who's husband has been gone for a long time now and asks, "Grammy, what is sex?"

She took him away, had sex with him, and he now knew what sex was.

The kid goes back to his father and tells him what happened.

His father screams, "YOU FUCKED MY MOM!"

The little boy screams back at him "NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL!"

A “fly”for everyone.... wonder if it is a housefly, dragonfly or.....

A “fly”for everyone.... wonder if it is a housefly, dragonfly or.....

YOU

You probably read the word ME in brown, but....... When you look through ME you will see YOU!

Olny srmat poelpe can raed this.

Olny srmat poelpe can raed this. I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in what oredr the ltteers in a word are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is that the first and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it wouthit a porbelm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! If you can raed this psas it on !!

More Brain Stuff . . From Cambridge University .

wat a cute puppy

Disco time

Beautiful Camellia Japonica

camellia japonica

SHAKIRA - Give It Up to Me

SHAKIRA - Give It Up to Me

(Timbaland)
How you doin I’m Mr Mos I’m back
Timb are you on it
Timb are you on it
Give me some
Is this what you wanted?
Is this what you wanted?
Oh

(Lil Wayne)
Uh Wayne’s World
I’m the cashier I change girls
You can go up my crain girl
And Imma go down that drain girl
Hey ah midnight cowboy
My flow’s a dog…down boy
Hah my girl is a queen
And she do what I say and I say what I mean
Then I give it to her uncut
Shakira, swing those hips like nun chucks
Now, give it to me
I want the best and the best things in life are free

(Shakira)
You can have it all
Anything you want you can make it yours
Anything you want in the world
Anything you want in the world
(Give it up to me)

Nothing too big or small
Anything you want you can make it yours
Anything you want in the world
Anything you want in the world
(Give it up to me)

What you get is exactly what you give
Never really know until you try
We’re so ahead of this
Got this she wolf appetite that keeps me up all night
You know the way it works don’t be afraid to ask
www.musicloversgroup.com
Aim high when the target is low
FYI I am ready to go
People say men are just like kids
Never saw a kid behave like this

What you give is exactly what you receive
So put me in a cage and lock me away
and i’ll play the games that you want me to play

You can have it all
Anything you want you can make it yours
Anything you want in the world
Anything you want in the world
(Give it up to me)

Nothing too big or small
Anything you want you can make it yours
Anything you want in the world
Anything you want in the world
(Give it up to me)

Hey can we go by walking
Or do you prefer to fly
All of the roads are open
In your mind
In your life
Give it up to me

Hey can we go by walking
Or do you prefer to fly
All of the roads are open
In your life
In your life
Give it up to me

(Timbaland)
Hey lil lady
What’s your plan
Say lil mama
Come take a ride jump in

(Shakira)
Hey there baby
What’s on your mind
Don’t need approval tonight, tonight
Give it up

You can have it all
Anything you want you can make it yours
Anything you want in the world
Anything you want in the world
(Give it up to me)

Nothing too big or small
Anything you want you can make it yours
Anything you want in the world
Anything you want in the world
(Give it up to me)

You can have it all
Anything you want you can make it yours
Anything you want in the world
Anything you want in the world
(Give it up to me)

Nothing too big or small
Anything you want you can make it yours
Anything you want in the world
Anything you want in the world
(Give it up to me)

Happy Halloweeeen Day

My Resignation Letter

Dear Manager

I'm resigning with immediate effect -

The reason for my resignation is what I found in my garage this morning before coming to work.

What picture?

How to hipnotize a man!

How to hipnotize a man!

http://vili.us/hypno.html

20 Worst Names For Junk Food

20. Crap Chocolate Bars
Excellent for those who need something to wean them off their addiction to “2 Girls 1 Cup.”

19. Erektus Energy DrinkT
he can’s unique label design makes it impossible to take a sip without a dong hitting your face.

18. Mini-Dickmann’s
We might be able to overlook the words “mini-dick” in the title if the product didn’t look like, well…

17. Super Dickmann’s
Not content with popping mini boners into your mouth, Dickmann’s did themselves one better.

16. Chocolate Log
You should always examine your chocolate logs to make sure you are getting enough marshmallow bits in your diet.

15. Ayds Candy
This casualty of the 1980s health scare once had the slogan “Lose weight with Ayds.”

14. Pee Cola
Serve warm.

13. Golden Gaytime Bars
Stop into any New Zealand convenience store, ask for this sweet treat, and you’ll receive the keys to the men’s restroom.

12. Squirt Soda
Combining the unique taste of grapefruit and battery acid, Squirt’s motto was once “Tastes so good, you’ll wanna Squirt every day.”

11. Gushers Candy
If you don’t know what a gusher is, read this definition, preferably while sucking on one.

10. Big Nuts
The only one to blame for product names like this is society, for having soooo many testicle euphemisms.

9. Sips Megapussi Chips
Apparently, “pussi” means “bag” in some sexist-ass language.

8. Finger Marie
Makes you wonder, “Why can’t Marie finger herself?” Is she perhaps missing all of her fingers?

7. Asse Chocolate
We don’t read any languages, so we’re just going to assume this chocolate is really for your mouth.

6. Dwight Yoakam’s Macaroni Mouth Poppers
FUN FACT: It’s impossible to find a macaroni nugget that doesn’t resemble the elephant man-like face of Dwight Yoakam.

5. Choco Crack Cereal
Sonny from Coco Puffs has no idea the thrills he’s missing.

4. Filipinos
We can’t decide what’s worse, the racial insensitivity of this product name or the fact that Filipinos can now be considered unhealthy.

3. Pecker
You have to wonder about a candy that resembles something your doctor swabs you with.

2. Doobys cereal
When those crazy kids try to steal this mascot’s cereal… well, he’s actually pretty chill about it.

1. Cream Collon
The ultimate irony is that these treats contain fiber.

New Car operating System (joke)

Bill's company made software to run a car.
Bill was taking a test ride of the car.
Suddenly a truck came from opposite side.
Bill pressed ctrl+b to apply brakes.
A pop-up window appeared asking, "Are you sure you really want to stop?"
Before Bill could enter "Yes", there was a crash and the car caught fire.
In panic Bill forgot the password to open the door.
He started shouting "F1! F1!" but there was no computer professional present there to understand his screams.
Then he tried to come out through the car window-pane.
A message appeared on the screen, "
An illegal function is performed.
All the window-panes of the car will be closed."
Poor Bill died.
Messengers of death took away his soul and said to him, "You have never ever performed any good deeds in your life.
You always stole the code from others.
We are going to send you to hell." Bill pleaded, "I am ready to go to hell but do provide me a computer, please."
Messengers of death smiled inwardly and permitted him a computer, but with no Alt, Ctrl and Delete keys on the keyboard.

Cranky Old Man

What do you see nurses? ..... What do you see?
What are you thinking ..... when you're looking at me?
A cranky old man ..... not very wise,
Uncertain of habit ..... with faraway eyes?

Who dribbles his food ..... and makes no reply.
When you say in a loud voice ..... 'I do wish you'd try!'
Who seems not to notice ..... the things that you do.
And forever is losing ..... A sock or shoe?
Who, resisting or not ..... lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding ..... The long day to fill?
IIs that what you're thinking? ..... Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse ..... you're not looking at me.

I'll tell you who I am ..... As I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding ..... as I eat at your will.
I'm a small child of Ten ..... with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters ..... who love one another.
A young boy of Sixteen ..... with wings on his feet.
Dreaming that soon now ..... a lover he'll meet.
A groom soon at Twenty ..... my heart gives a leap.
Remembering, the vows ..... that I promised to keep.

At Twenty-Five, now ..... I have young of my own.
Who need me to guide ..... And a secure happy home.
A man of Thirty ..... My young now grown fast,
Bound to each other ..... With ties that should last.

At Forty, my young sons ..... have grown and are gone,
But my woman is beside me ..... to see I don't mourn.
At Fifty, once more ..... Babies play 'round my knee,
Again, we know children ..... My loved one and me.

Dark days are upon me ..... My wife is now dead.
I look at the future ..... I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing ..... young of their own.
And I think of the years ..... And the love that I've known.

I'm now an old man ..... and nature is cruel.
It's jest to make old age ..... look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles ..... grace and vigour, depart.
There is now a stone ..... where I once had a heart.
But inside this old carcass ..... A young man still dwells,
And now and again ..... my battered heart swells
I remember the joys ..... I remember the pain.
And I'm loving and living ..... life over again.

I think of the years, all too few ..... gone too fast.
And accept the stark fact ..... that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, people ..... open and see.
Not a cranky old man.
Look closer ..... see ..... ME!!!

Tips for a Happy Marriage

Red Skelton's tips for a Happy Marriage:

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, then comes good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Ontario and mine is in Tucson.

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. Then she said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was, she told me "In the Lake."

8. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said "No, jump in!"

10. Remember. Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault. My wife asked "What's on the TV?" I said "Dust!"

How to win heart of girls

Source : http://www.helium.com/

To impress a girl believe you are impressive. Believe you are good enough. Believe you are what she will be impressed with. Some useful and valuable suggestions to win the heart of girls:

1. Always believe in singularity and purity of love. Girls love nothing more than undivided attention and exclusive love from their partners.

2. Try to to be honest and truthful. Avoid being dual in your personality while improving your relations with girls.

3. Avoid violent behavior in the company of girls.

4. Give more attention and importance to girls. Listen them patiently and respect them.

5. Confidence is truly impressive.

6. Be Sociable. Shake hands with the waiter, the door man, her father, her friends and whoever you meet.

7. Chivalry. Manners is a lost art. The art of being chivalrous means to act in a courteous and courtly manner.

8.Laughter. People love to laugh. People like being around someone who can make them laugh.

9. Be Yourself! Breath and be. There is no need to exaggerate or to tell stories. Believe in yourself.

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