WHHOOOOSSSHH!

A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available: a brand-new Ferrari 550. It is also the most expensive car in the world, and it costs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and stops for a red light.

An old man (about 75 years old) on a moped pulls up next to him. The old man looks over at the sleek, shiny new car and asks, "What kind of car ya got there, sonny?"

The young man replies, "A Ferrari 550. It cost half a million dollars!"

"That's a lot of money," says the old man. "Why does it cost so much?"

"Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the young dude proudly. The old man asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?"

"No problem," replies the owner.

So the old guy pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then, sitting back on his moped, he says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right... but I'll stick with my moped!"

Just then the light changes, so the young guy decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 160 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rearview mirror.

It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be, and suddenly, WHHHOOOOSSSHHH! something whips by him, going much faster.

What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?! the young man asks himself. He floors the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 250 mph. Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the moped.

Amazed that the moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it some more gas and passes the moped at 275 mph. WHHOOOOSSSHH!

He's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him again. Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph.

Not 10 seconds later he sees the moped bearing down on him again. The Ferrari is flat out and there's nothing he can do.

Suddenly the moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear. The young man jumps out; unbelievably, the old man is still alive!!! He runs up to the mangled old man and says, "Oh, my God! Is there anything I can do for you?"

The old man whispers softly, "Unhook... my... suspenders... from... your... side-view... mirror."

Carla Curtsinger

Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border.

Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border.

The Italian Customs agent stops them and says, "It's illegal to put 5 people in a Quattro."

"What do you mean it's illegal?" ask the Englishmen.

"Quattro means four," replies the Italian official.

"Quattro is just the name of the automobile," the Englishmen retort disbelievingly. "Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry 5 persons."

"You can't pull that one on me," replies the Italian customs agent. "Quattro means four. You have five people in your car and you are therefore breaking the law."

The Englishmen replies angrily, "You idiot! Call your supervisor over—I want to speak to someone with more intelligence!"

"Sorry," responds the Italian official, "he can't come. He's busy with 2 guys in a Fiat Uno."

Rado

SUE WONG MARRIES LEE WONG

Sue Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year, the Wongs have a new baby. The nurse brings out a lovely, healthy, bouncy,


but definitely a Caucasian, WHITE baby boy.



'Congratulations,' says the nurse to the new parents.

'Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?'



The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says, 'Well, two Wong's don't make a white,

so I think we will name him...



Are you ready for this?














Sum Ting Wong


 

50 Small Dick Jokes

50 Small Dick Jokes 1. When you got circumcised, did it take more than one try? 2. Your dick's so small, you can sodomize anys. 3. Your dick's so small, you can masturbate through the slits in a fork 4. Your dick's so small, you rent out the Hubbell when you have to piss. 5. Your dick's so small, bacteria laugh at it. 6. Your dick's so small, you could screw a pasta strainer. 7. Your dick's so small, the doctor wasn't quite sure what you were. 8. I never knew you could have a belly button under your stomach. 9. Your dick's so thin, I've seen paper clips wider. 10. Your dick's so crooked, it's like a compass, it always points north. 11. There's bread harder than your dick. 12. Your dick's so small, you could get a B.J. from a crease in a lip. 13. Your dick's so small, the police filed it a missing person. 14. Your dick's so small, a cop frisks you and asks, "Sex change?" 15. Your dick's so thin, you could turn it sideways and it'd disappear. 16. Your dick's so thin, Calista Flockhart (Ally McBeal) is jealous. 17. Your dick's so small, when you have sex, girls ask if it's in yet. 18. Your dick's so ugly, it's like a pimple with a pulse. 19. When you go swimming in cold water, does your dick get bigger? 20. Your confusin an inch with a foot again. 21. Your dick's so small, satisfying a woman for you is "Mission: Impossible". 22. There's a wrinkle in your pants, you hard? 23. How about I kick you in the nuts? That's a foot. Contrast and compare. 24. Your dick's so small, when you were born, the doctor smacked the wrong side. 25. Are you ever gonna get that wart lanced? 26. What does a man with a small penis have for breakfast? (PAUSE) I dunno, what'd you have? 27. Your dick's so thin, paper called you up and said, "YOU BASTARD!" 28. Your dick's so small, it sleeps in a matchbox with a cotton swab pillow. 29. Your dick's so small, you'll never be half the man your mother was. 30. Your dick's so small, you could use a thimble and fishing line for a thong. 31. Your dick's so small, I haven't laughed that hard since I saw your balls. 32. Your dick's so small, your condoms look like the thumb of a latex glove. 33. I bet you can make your dick disappear by breathing in and out. 34. Your dick's so ugly it cries itself to sleep at night. 35. Your dick's so small, you stand next to a light switch naked all day crying. 36. You got less meat in your pants than there is in a vegetarian restaurant. 37. After hours of going at it with a woman, she yawns and asks if you're done yet. 38. Your dick's so small, it looks like one of the California raisins. 39. Your dick must be tiny, I heard you had sex with a shower head. 40. When you get hard it looks like a toothpick. 41. Your dick's so thin, it represents Weight Watchers. 42. Your dick's so ugly, they put in fields to scare away the crows. 43. Your dick's so small, your girlfriend took it to court and they threw it out for lack of evidence. 44. The only time you can give a woman orgasm is when you pull out your American Express. 45. Your dick's so small, you think it's gonna explode when you cum. 46. Your doctor called he said you had a small problem. 47. You have to put the seat down to piss, right? 48. The only thing your dick's bigger than is a grain of dust. 49. Your dick's so small, you piss on your nuts. 50. Your dick's so small, sperm's a tight squeeze.

FUNNY road signs